| Losing... |

It's been awhile since I faced death. Maybe I had almost forgotten the feeling of losing something or someone close.

The past one week had been an extremely trying one. Putting others' needs before myself and my unborn baby's made me realise how selfish and self-centered I may have been previously. This was indeed a wake-up call. And now I am mourning the lost of my 21-week old nephew that could have been..would have been...

This tradegy is beyond words..I only remember having to constantly muster up supernatural strength in order to be there for my sister and brother-in-law whom happen to be new believers. I had hoped for a miracle with all my heart, I trusted in the Lord's favor upon this couple; after all, He did bless them with a holy seed after 4 long years on Christmas Day.

Guess The Lord in his infinite wisdom had better plans for them. That maybe someday He would give them a better gift for He is good and His mercies endures forever.

"But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

My Pregnancy Diary (Backdate)

The Beginning @ 5 Weeks Along

It was the morning of 13 October 2012 that I decided to take a home pregnancy test since my period was late for about 10 days. Prior to taking this home test, I had been fighting fatigue for days and hadn’t been able to sleep just the night before. So I woke up earlier than usual and went to the toilet with that stick. Read the instructions carefully and tried to stay calm. Half of me wanted 2 lines, half of me wanted 1 line. But regardless of the result, I would have to accept it, no?

The hubby was still happily in dreamland when I was in the toilet fretting away and thinking how my life would be soon over at 29. I had wanted this; I had wanted a child with my man for as long as I could remember and especially after we got married barely 5 months ago. Often, it is the fear of the unknown that shakes our decision and choices. So there I was in that all-familiar toilet cubi that I was about to meet the result that would rock our whole world and the rest of our lives. The first line came out strong and obvious, while the second one took awhile to appear in a very faint blue. First thing I did was to wake the hubby up and showed him the stick and all he did in his semi-conscious state was smile as if he was in a sweet dream. *bleah

I quickly took a picture and texted some of my buds and they all congratulated me. One buddy even called to tell me what to do and we did as told. After the hubby finally woke up and reassured me that everything would be fine, we went to the GP to get it verified and I went home to tell my mother the wonderful news of her being a grandmother soon! Needless to say she was overjoyed and yet at the same time found it a little hard to believe. Then my father, who was also asleep but was slightly aroused by the commotion only said one word to me “congratulations” and he fell right back to sleep.

Men.

The next thing was to tell my sisters of course. But how? Just the night before I had a huge fight with my second sister and we were not exactly on talking terms but informing them was the only right thing I knew I had to do because I grew up with them; they were the closest people to me. The fact that I was the first in the family to conceive wasn’t exactly gonna make me any superior or look any better than either of my sisters and I just wish they would - like when we grew up playing with each other - know that I have zero ill-intention. And so I took the plunge, and informed them of the news. They were both in a state of shock but still congratulated me and were happy for their little sister, or so I thought. Even people closest to you would sometimes misunderstand your happiness for arrogance.

Now there was only one problem: I had been spotting the last 3 days and now I knew for sure it wasn’t my period, then where was the blood coming from? We got worried and felt something wasn’t right and went down to KKH’s 24-hour O&G department where they supposedly had "qualified" gynecologists on shift. We waited close to 2 hours before we finally saw that rude doctor and confirmed that there was a yolk sac and that I was indeed pregnant at 5 weeks and that the yolk sac and water bag were exactly where they are suppose to be – in the uterus. So we had dismissed the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy. However, spotting at 5 weeks with no clear sign of a fetal heartbeat because it was too small signaled many things, of which the most uncompassionate doctor told us nonchalantly to prepare ourselves as there eventually may not be a heartbeat and there was a high chance I will miscarry my baby.

In a span of 1 day, we had fallen into 2 complete opposite dimensions and wondered if the day could get any worse?

On the way home, we were both silent save for the phone call the hubby made to inform his mother of our new creation. In my heart, I was both scared and worried for my lil one’s well-being and if the baby is growing healthily.

The next day, we went to visit our usual TCM doctor and she looked worried when she read my pulse. Her diagnosis was this: there was a severe lack of hormones supporting my pregnancy, hence the spotting. She urged us to fix an appointment with a private gynecologist as soon as we could to see how he could help us. We called and the appointments were full; we could only do a walk-in which would be hours of wait but we did not have a choice, our lil one was of top priority now.

After close to 2.5 hours, the gynecologist finally saw us. It was only a very short consultation and the only thing he said, apart from what the TCM doctor already told us was to have complete bed rest. No work if possible, no more walking (read: no more shopping) and no more chores. I could not do anything all day but just sleep and rest. He took my blood for some tests on 2 separate occasions and we saw him a week after and the “enhancement” treatments started. Apart from the oral hormone pills that would make me drowsy, I was to religiously go for a jab in my buttocks, twice weekly. The pills made me miserable; I couldn't work without feeling sleepy and sometimes nauseous. And up to now, I have had to endure this for another 2.5 more weeks.

First Trimester @ 11 Weeks Along

So I officially turned 29 two days ago and I will be 29 when I deliver beanie. Not too bad in a society like ours right? Oh and for your info, "beanie" is our new nickname for our lil one, hehe ;p

I am really thankful for everything that is happening in my life right now save for the hormone jabs that cause me pain and then bad rash after; as well as the hormone pills that make me drowsy all the time because I need to take it 3 times a day.

And other than the fact that I’ve been given a new job scope at work because a pregnant lady (a Japanese) simply requested for a lighter workload even though I raised the point that I am also now pregnant and in a far more delicate situation than her, but they didn’t seem to care because this company is bias and it sucks! Since this is a contract position anyway, and they will most probably not want to renew my contract after I deliver beanie then I may as well just resign, recuperate, spend time with my new born and find another suitable job..or not. I could be a stay-at-home-mom to spend real quality time with my newborn in the first 2 years of his/her life! Ooo sounds interesting HA! I only have that much of time I could influence in their growing-up years and I sure hope I’ll do a good job of teaching them godly and biblical values so that they will grow up to be god-fearing man/woman. Of course I would definitely need the man in my life to help and guide me along the way as well.

“Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve; as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:15

So anyways, according to the many baby apps I have on my iPhone, today officially marks the start of the 11th week of my pregnancy. We were worried about beanie because all my pregnancy sickness miraculously went away by itself one fine morning after we had one huge (and very bad) quarrel the night before. I kept getting paranoid and the hubby decided to call almost every gynecologist clinic in Singapore just to see who had available slots to see us yesterday. Finally he found a Dr. Lee @ Gleneagles and so we went. The nurse was so much friendlier and nicer and the doctor was also chattier than Dr. Fong..but maybe a tad too long-winded? Anyway so he did the ultrasound scan on my abdomen and first thing we saw was our lil beanie jumping up and down on the screen!

Amazing.

And for once, I think the reality of beanie's presence and life finally settled down with the husband. He melted at that scene of course and couldn’t stop marveling. He said he even wanted to photocopy beanie’s picture and hang it on his work table.

The price of assurance cost us $204.

Because it was the doctor’s new ultrasound machine, he hadn’t had time to figure out the buttons and so we were really lucky to look at beanie for a good 15-20 mins. From the time we saw beanie jumping up and down, until the time he fell into slumber mode and dozed off, it was barely like 5-7 mins. Beanie must have been playing by himself in there prior to us catching him on screen bouncing up and down. Haha how cute! According to Dr. Lee, babies usually wake up every 20 mins to play and stretch before falling back into slumber. It’s like we could almost see beanie’s facial features since his hands and feet were almost developed! I am really so amazed by God and His wonderful creation. I think the hubby must have been very impressed by God’s creation too. Having said that, I hope the hubby will finally mature and grow up and let the reality of beanie sink into his head and the fact that carrying beanie aint an easy feat so during these 8 months or so, he had better learn to accomodate accomodate and accomodate!

Second Trimester @ 17 Weeks Along

Pregnancy is a whole new adventure for us. To think I’ve survived 17 weeks. I’m pretty amazed myself.

Looking back, the horrible morning or rather, pregnancy sickness that did not look like it would ever go away but finally did at 10-11 weeks with occasional vomiting thereafter. The constant nausea if I didn’t have food going into my system every 2 hours. The great aversions I had towards some of my favorite food like fish, prawn and mushroom. The sudden love for meat (beef in particular) and fruit juices. Equally as sudden was the outbreak of hives all over my body plus the acne and pimples that never seemed to go away. My erratic emotional outbursts and mood swings which the husband still sometimes forgets when he feels the need to showcase that his ego is bigger than his own child and pregnant wife.

Does that sound like im ranting and complaining already?Haha rest assured I am not.

With all the downside that pregnancy brings along also comes the beautiful side of life and the abundance of it.

Our lil beanie communicates with me when he doesn’t like certain food by making me puke it all out. Carrot juice especially and occasionally milk though he is learning to accept the latter now. He tells me when he’s hungry and needs more food and that’s when I feel nauseous. Though I haven’t felt him kick yet, its only a matter of time before I wish he would stop. Then again, maybe the lil fellow is a night owl – I’m losing sleep regularly because of him I think; though part of the problem is really getting up to pee and then finding it hard to sleep again because the husband snores like thunder. :/

Since this is the second mention of the husband, can I just let it all out?

Ok, so in barely 4 months of my pregnancy, I’ve fallen sick 3 times. The first was when we just found out about beanie’s existence. He refused to see a doctor, refused to finish his antibiotics, refuse to rest (because of his never-ending work) and refuse to sleep separately from me. When beanie was still literally a bean, I had to take medication in order to get better and I’m honestly not sure if beanie was in any way affected by that. Second time the husband was better; he slept in a different room when he fell sick again. The third he also slept separately from me but because it was gastric flu, it eventually found its way to me and I ended up vomiting more than usual and running to the toilet more often. Now a few weeks later and again my throat is hurting. I don’t think there’s ever been a pregnant woman sicker than I’ve been. What to do? I can take all preventive measures in the office and at home but if people are sick and don’t stay home to rest, take their medicines, cough and sneeze freely, don’t wear a mask etc, there’s only so much I can do. And yes, I am grumbling now.

Oh and by the way, beanie is most probably a boy; 80% to be exact. The next check-up, which will be our detailed scan at 20th week, would determine the gender for sure with close to 100% accuracy rate.

Till then!

| Goodbye, Again |

Another goodbye today.

Though I've only been in this company for 2 months and this ain't my direct boss, I'm starting to feel sad. It's his last day today and this company has a dramatic way of sending the top guy off by lining staff on the first floor, from the lobby all the way to the reception until he reaches his car and his chauffeur drives him away.

I may cry.

Because I caught a cold from cruise last week, it's almost that time of the month, plus my hubby is away on a business trip and will only be back end of next week.
It is getting hard for me to bear. I miss my hubby. So a tear or two may fall.

天下无不散之筵席。

Totally random but I need to recuperate and be completely healthy again. It's war with green phlegm and viruses. The last time I fell sick (which was about 2 weeks ago) was the longest I ever took to recover - 5 whole weeks!

It is time I make a stand and fight for my health so no more unhealthy, oily, fried or fast food anymore.

| Pacts |

Another boring day for me at work just passed and I had absolutely no access on the net to anything fun or interesting. Really thankful for my iPhone and 3G even though Singtel has been sucky of late.

There is an upcoming cruise the next weekend and it will be a walk down memory lane again…except that we would be swimming instead of walking HA!

Redang Island – one of the most captivating beaches hubby and I visited together in 2010 and once more soon. I think 2012 is truly a year of restoration, whether in the spiritual, emotional or natural sense.

Restoration - a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition.

We made a pact to return to Redang someday and even though we will not be staying for the night, we would be there at least in the day and that is more than enough.

Speaking of pacts.

We’ve made many pacts together. And I guess one of the many perks of marrying your best friend means we know each other inside-out because we practically grew up together.

We made many promises, broke many and still love each other despite everything and I couldn’t have asked for anyone else in my life than my then-boyfriend and now-hubby. Though sometimes he drives me up the wall and I to his grave haha, that’s how we have fun together!

Kudos to my first (and his second) love and a great marriage ahead!

| The Heat is On! |

I’ve been thinking a lot these days.. about family, babies, pregnancy, nurturing/raising a child, maintaining a healthy/happy marriage, jobs/career, purpose etc.

Right now, at this present moment, I am very blessed.

I have an extremely doting husband who loves me to bits and whom I love very much too; a great family who’s always there for me whom we always have fun together; 2 puppies who are really naughty but whom can always find their way back into our hearts; a good job that is very near home (haha!) and a home that is slowly but surely building its way up so that we would have a place we can finally call “our home” in about 2 years’ time or earlier, hopefully.

So I’m glad, I truly am.

Been hearing of couples trying for a baby for years and still nothing. Yet there are those that do not even need to try and they are “accidentally” pregnant. And I feel for the former; it’s sad. Maybe aging has upped my maternal instincts to a few notches but trust me when I say I can fully empathize with couples who are unable to conceive.

Talk about age. The big 3 scares most women, myself included. You think about the things you can’t do, things you have to consider before doing, and things to quickly do before you can’t do them anymore.

We’ve just been married for about 3 months and everyone in my new company (who knows that I am a newly-wed, all thanks to my very enthusiastic colleague who helps me announce) has been telling me, “DON’T PLAN FOR A BABY”. And just today, another colleague said how we should let nature take its course. Even colleagues are so pro-family, what more of my own family and my in-laws?

So ladies and gentlemen, its official – the heat is on and the pressure is up.

We have never felt the need or rush to start a family so soon (and strangely we still don’t haha!) but hey, men’s plans change all the time so that we could be in line with our Abba Father’s plans! His ways are not the ways of men so don’t even think for one second that you can understand the intention behind God’s plans. But what I do understand is: a baby is truly a gift from God and its very precious. Even typing that sentence brought tears to my eyes; I am soooo pms-ing.

We need to learn how to cherish every life, no matter how little or insignificant it may be. And also learn to let go and let God.

Have a great weekend everyone!

| Happy Birthday Singapore! |

haven't felt this patriotic in a while..maybe its because of the horrible rumor of our founding father which made me sad.

to set the record straight, I love my home and my country and have deep respect for the man who made all these possible even though I don't agree with everything his party does.

ah..this week is a short work week and half the world is on leave, including all the bosses who have gone back for summer holiday! how nice..working closer to home is a nice feeling, wish I can stay in this company for a long long time to come!

fell terribly ill last week and had to skip work..and now it's developed into a very nasty cough that is disrupting my sleep and annoying my colleagues :/ even my parents are infected now, I think. so I went to the doctor at healthway yesterday (because my usual clinic is closed on public holidays) and there is a $10 public holiday surcharge?!?!? extortion. what to do? still had to pay and see the doc to get stronger medicine so the germs and viruses in my throat will DIE!!! I hate coughing, that is like the worst kind of sickness to befall on me. I'd rather a runny nose, gastric flu and vomit or diahhrea big time than to cough and cough like I have TB or something.

we went KL last weekend and it was so much fun I wish it was longer! hubby says we can go there again during their next sale period - YAY!!!

| I'm a Missus Now! |

So I’ve been a missus for about 2.5 months now and married life is treating us well!

No plans for a baby yet though I had been wanting one..hubby says he wants to spend MORE time with me ALONE…like 11 years together wasn’t enough? HA!

Well well, even though I know my own biological clock is happily ticking away and its definitely easier to recover from pregnancy if I have a child at a younger age, BUT if my hubby is not for it then I guess I have to respect his decision. Unless of course it is God’s gift to us, then we would start to question the quality of the rubber huh? Ah-ha, but if that happens then we would be in for a treat! But seriously, I hope to get a boy! So im starting to strengthen myself now (you know its never too early to start hehe) and also by eating more red meat (I never used to). I’ve heard that eating beef in particular helps in getting a boy LOL ;p

Anyways, what I really wanna talk about today is about Seven Dresses (SD).

Hmm, so SD has been around for about 2 years now and we’ve always had lukewarm responses for our launches. A couple of factors, in particular the collections – especially the earlier collections – were named biblically. And though I know that makes non-believers uncomfortable, I held on to my belief that the ultimate purpose of this blogshop was to let people know more about God. Even now I no longer name my clothes after certain biblical names, I still throw in a verse and tell people the learning points and how its impacted me personally.

The second factor could be in more recent months, I had resorted to modeling on my own even though I have said many many times that I know I am nowhere near model-material, let alone a UK6 but that the sole reason for me modeling on my own was so that we could save cost and in turn, pass all these savings back to our customers. But I guess people are still superficial; they only want to look and buy pretty things. They cannot stand looking at ugly or fat people for one minute and one passer-by even went as far as to attack me personally. So me being human became naturally upset. I wasn’t angry with that person who wrote that, though I must admit I was terribly affected.

Guess what I really wanted to say to that person is:

Don’t you dare discriminate ladies who are fat or have bigger-than-online-shopping-crowd-figures, because everyone deserves the chance to shop and buy blogshop clothes online.

Maybe it never occurred to anyone but modeling and putting myself under the constant scrutiny of the public eye is something I would never ask for if I had more money to hire a model. That is why I have to consistently abide in the Lord to stay strong and ignore people’s harsh comments about myself. Because if after all people who say that I have a lousy figure, they are really criticizing my Abba Father, right? For I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) in my Creator’s image.

Its hard maintaining a blogshop I guess..when you have friends who are supportive only on the surface and yet when you ask them to help share SD’s album on their FB wall etc, they don’t.

So it is with a heavy heart that I am announcing that I may give Seven Dresses up if things don’t improve by the end of 2012. From now until the end of the year, Seven Dresses will have new arrivals on a regular basis and we will try to shoutout on every platform possible within our means, but if our customer base still don’t increase and sales still do not improve then I guess Seven Dresses will fold. It was great fun and considered hubby and mine “baby” but after 2.5 years, a revamp and countless sales and promotions, and if things are still the same as before then I guess we have a lot of questioning and reflecting to do.

| Restoration |

2 Sundays ago, Daniel and I had the privilege of visiting my friend's church called the Living Sanctuary Brethren Church. This friend of mine and I go way back - like way before even Daniel came into my life - yes it was that many years ago. She was my bestie then and even after we lost contact and have just reunited not too long ago, meeting her again really brought back all that warm familiarity and she is still my bestie! *hugz*

It was a scene of many familiar faces; most only managed a simple "hi" and that was it. And then I suddenly remembered this sentence which my colleague commented recently - 有些人是会自动从你的生命里消失的.

How true.

Regardless of what happened back then, and no matter the distance that the years had put in-between those precious people and myself, I thickened my skin and contacted them. I resolved not to bring any excess (and unnecessary) emotional baggage into my new life with Daniel like how the Marriage Preparation Course (MPC) taught us in late 2010.

It had always been my secret wish to have the people whom have made a difference in my life witness my union.

So 6 months ago, I embarked on a journey on restoration. I wanted to restore the friendships and relationships that had somehow gone stale over the years and though it was hard and some did not reciprocate, well at least I can say that I tried my best.

Wedding aside.

I would still have wanted to restore those broken relationships someday somehow because someday, Someone is going to ask me why I never did anything to restore those hurts and broken hearts and I really would not have a better excuse. So I may as well do as much as I can now before God questions me on Judgement Day *tsk

So back to our visit to LSBC, the sermon that day touched me deeply. And I am convinced that God truly loves me; He speaks to me even when I’m visiting friends’ churches! How amazing is my Father in heaven? You will have to experience it yourself to know why I am still so captivated by Him all these years. :)

Restoring the Years that The Locusts Have Eaten
(Joel 1 & 2)

The message starts with a proclamation that this year, 2012 is the year of the Lord’s favour; it is also the year of the Lord’s restoration.

And my 3 main takeaways were:

(1) Remembering the Nature of God (instead of looking at the locusts)

First thing we need to know is it was never God's desire to send locusts in our lives (Joel 2:13).
"He relents from sending calamity"

So then why are there still locusts (i.e. bad stuff) in our lives?

3 potential reasons are:

a) Our Wilful Disobedience to the Lord (Deuteronomy 28:38-42)
When we deliberately go against what the Lord has in store for us and go the other way, we are actually walking away from the protection of our Lord. And when that happens, the enemy finds opportunities to come to steal our blessings, kill our faith in God and destroy our relationship with Him (John 10:10).

b) Generation Curses (Jeremiah 30:16-17)
Some people may be inflicted with generational curses for whatever reason. However the main focus here is again on the Lord’s promises and not on the locusts in our lives and God’s promise of restoration of health and all things good.

c) The Mystery of God (The Book of Job)
One thing about our Abba Father is that we can never try to understand Him because He is God, and His ways are not the ways of men (Isaiah 55:8). And even though it’s hard to understand why He decides to let us go through bad things, like in the case of Job who was a blameless and righteous man. But of course we all know the story that God blessed Job even more by giving him a double portion of blessings.

So how will God restore His promises to us?

(2) Restoring the Promises of God

One thing for sure is He will definitely bring us back to where He had originally intended us to be (Joel 2:25). Just like the Israelites, a journey to the promised land from Egypt would have taken a mere 11 days to reach but God had them wander in the wilderness for 40 good years because that generation had deliberately disobeyed God and sinned greatly against Him as a result (Deuteronomy 1:2).

Now back to Joel 2:25, God was very specific in His promise of restoring what the young and great locusts ate; He also promised an overflowing provision in Joel 2:24.

When He said in verse 23 that He would send “abundant showers, both autumn and spring rain”, He is actually speaking of restoring the promise in Deuteronomy 11:14 of grain, new wine and olive oil where grain symbolizes the physical provision of God; and wine is actually the favour of a new promise; and where olive oil is the favour in "sacred anointing oil for the generations to come" (Exodus 30:31).

And just for your info, rain in biblical terms symbolises 2 things:

i) God’s favour upon men (Proverbs 16:15)
ii) God’s presence (Hosea 6:3) – God’s calling for the return of His people to Him

Interestingly, on the topic of restoring wine, Luke 5:37-39 also talks about the new and old wineskin. We all know there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens (Ecclesiastes 3:1), and the new wineskin symbolises a renewed people and the new wine symbolises a new promise that God is bringing us into a brand new season.

3) How to Usher in the Restoration of God:

a) Trust - Joel 2:21-22
Here the Lord tells us not to be afraid and to trust in the Lord’s goodness

b) Do a divine exchange with God
It means exchanging with God what we have for what He promises and also exchanging our locusts for His blessings.

And if I may add, we are clearly given a choice in Deuteronomy 30:19 where we can choose life instead of death, and blessing over cursing.

Are you as amazed as I am? Perhaps I did not do a good job in writing what I learnt but I hope the little that I have written will bless you somehow.

| Some Updates |

Its finally down to 1 month, 22 days.

Seemed like a long wait for this to finally happen. HAHA!
I honestly cannot wait for it to come and go and then our lives would be back to normal, right?

Right.

In the midst of the wedding preparations, I cannot help but think of what the purpose really is of a wedding?
Why so much fuss over 1 day only to tell people a few years down the road that “yeah, we’ve also done the big white wedding thing before”?

The weariness aside, I am extremely thrilled to be reporting that yes, I will be having my very own hen’s party!!!
I am uber eggcited about it ever since my jiemeis met up last Sunday and oh I cannot wait for 14 Apr to come.
Its been an awfully loooong while since I had an all girls’ party. Hee ;p

And also, the honeymoon is booked and confirmed! That’s another thing to look forward too!
The sun, the sand and the sea – oh how I’ve missed you!

I’ve been withering slowly for as long as I have been hiding away from the sun, and particularly not being able to swim (yesh not even in the night!) or be exposed in the sun for too long because its make-up artist’s instructions. Am I really that tanned? Who dictates that brides have to be all white and fair-skinned anyway? *hmpf

Then it just hit me - im looking forward to everything else except the wedding itself! HAHAHAHAHA!

Well, but in the words of Edward Cullen, “(the wedding) is an important rite of passage” and only once we go through that would we be happily married and for the honeymoon and the rest to follow through!

What else do I want to say?

Oh yes, the video, our video.
Credits to my entire family - Daddy Chia, Mommy Chia, Dajie & Jedi Kor, Erjie & Tommi Kor, Russ and Piccolo.

We’re almost done; we are just left with the final scene and we would require external help for that.
But in the meantime, check this out!

| A Lesson on Religion |

you know after being in a relationship for 10.5 years, close to 11, you would think Daniel and I have gone through the worst storms life could possibly throw at us.

but we were sorely wrong.

we are getting married on 12 May, in about 3.5 months' time and we are currently planning a wedding that is not our own at all. opinions after opinions we have to seek and to make sure everyone else (except us) is happy before we can proceed.

and especially when the topic is on religion. do you think I am unaffected by all that is going on around me?

wrong again.

I have been exposed to Christianity since I was a little girl and more so coming from Katong Convent. my grandmother who was a devout Catholic brought us to church whenever my parents had to leave town for work and she came to stay with us. from a tender age, I knew a God existed. when I was 12, I opted for a Catechism class in school instead of doing some weird moral education class. that was when I learnt more about Christ and what He has done for us, for the world.

at the end of my primary school education, my eldest sister started attending FCBC and was fast becoming a full-fledged Christian.

I remember quarrelling and getting really upset with her when she told me Mother Mary was just a human, an earthly instrument that God chose to bring Jesus into the world. and like all humans, she died. there was no other mention of her in the bible after Jesus rose from the dead and His ascension. the bible I am quoting here by the way, is the one with only 66 books and not the one that Catholics use.

so you see, what I initially believed, like the Roman Catholics, was very different when it came to the Protestant Christians.

I remember frantically searching through the bible for any evidence that Mother Mary may still be alive and that she somehow became a goddess like how the Catholics taught. but there was none. I broke down and slowly accepted that truth. that cry was freedom, that cry was God setting me free.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." John 8:32

thereafter, I attended FCBC with my sister and even witnessed her baptism as soon as she turned 21.

so I've been a Christian ever since I could remember and had also been prophesised over how my life would soar on eagle’s wings and would make my parents, especially my mother be so proud of me.

of course in-between, my parents being Buddhists got me to be the "god-child" of the Goddess of Mercy since I was an infant, I think. I had no prior knowledge to what this goddess had done for me or for the world. I only yielded to holding the joss sticks, mediums prediction of the future either by jumping around or by blowing air into my face, any and everything my parents wanted me to do when I was a child simply because they wanted it, I listened and I did it out of respect.

but when I was about 15, I told my parents I wanted to be baptised too. they said no and like my sister, I had to wait till I was old enough at 21 before I could be baptised. but my parents are very reasonable people and that’s why I love them so much, they asked me why I was in a rush to get baptised. my answer in my 15 year-old mind was simply this, “Jesus is coming back soon and I wanna be ready when He comes”. they accepted my reason and I was born again on 21 March, 1998.

however, not all parents are that reasonable. of course I can understand where they are coming from – like suddenly their child is no longer the same anymore. but having almost reached 30 years of age, don’t you think its time to let go?

sure there are some Christians who profess their faith in Christ and yet still hold joss sticks and pray to other gods. there are also those who still go to temples for whatever reasons. yet there are some who do not mind bowing or kneeling in front of tablets, idols, pictures etc.

"Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister." Romans 14:13

every single one of us will be asked to give an account to God on Judgement Day on why we did certain things and said certain words. those whom we have hurt, and those actions we did to cause others to stumble.

"So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God." (Romans 8:12)

being a Christian, I firmly believe in a one thing:

“You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments." Exodus 20:4-6

"Do not make idols or set up an image or a sacred stone for yourselves, and do not place a carved stone in your land to bow down before it. I am the LORD your God.” Leviticus 26:1

I will bow and even kneel to anyone alive, if it required of me. but that’s where it ends. I will not bow or kneel to an altar with a craved image and a tablet. that is beyond me as a Christian because I am a child of God now, I belong to Jesus. And Jesus would not have me bow to any idols.

"So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord." Romans 14:8

and because IF I bow/kneel/hold joss sticks to other gods or craved images, then I will unconsciously be a stumbling block to non-christians present.

They would be thinking, “eh how come so-and-so who is a Christian can hold joss stick, can bow and kneel and pray to our ancestors or this god etc?”

even now, it is not our wedding day yet and we have already been challenged as to why this cousin who is a christian can do this and that whereas we cannot?

allow me to explain.

different people have different levels of faith. different people also have different walks with our Lord Jesus. so with their level of faith, maybe they think its ok to do certain things, but at where I am, I am unable to do so simply because I have no other gods except Yahweh.

i will give my due respect to people who are alive. period.